Silver Age Shenanigans!

The Girl Who Didn't Believe In Superman!

Third Jaw Dropping Post!

Now friends, I'm going to show you something that by the non standards of the time was a "normal" Superman story, let me tell you what to expect. 

• Superman is both one person and therefore bound by the laws of monogamy and also not a brainwasher. 
• He is married to neither Lois or Lana and really doesn't want to be. 
• Lex Luthor is bald despite apparently being able to cure it to any time. 

So this is not imaginary, it is but it isn't, it's "real". Today's offering is from Superman issue ninety six. The story: The Girl Who Didn't Believe In Superman!...

There are so many reasons this is one of the stupidest premises in Superman history and last night I read a story about super-threesomes. Onwards!

Oh god what's wrong with that girl's forehead!?

Hey stupid truckers, turn of the engines for a sec! She isn't deaf. And super-reality, does everything need super prefixed to it? When Clark Kent super-wakes up and gets out of super-bed does he take a super-shit and have some super-toast? 

Superman finds this child's disability highly amusing!

That child in the first panel looks like she'd be a brat, maybe redhead hate's infected me. I love how even after a lord knows how many active and open attempts to get into Superman's tights Lois still tries flirting. And Clark, I'm sure the blind enjoy tourism as well. And what do the blind have no need for our able bodied money? 

Of course she's in all black. Subtleness doesn't exist anywhere near the 50's. 

In the fourth panel Alice looks like she's smelled something very surprising... what does she know we don't?

How the hell does Alice not believe in Superman? I mean surely she's heard about him on the news, she lives in Metropolis there is no way in hell she hasn't been impacted somehow by super villains.  School's never been closed due to Bizarro invasions? Actually this was the 50's I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't let her go to school. And Alice looks about ten, maybe twelve, that would make her six to eight when she was blinded. Wouldn't she have gained visual evidence for Superman being real before that?

Judging by the look on Superman's face he is clearly incapable of thinking of things sight impaired kids can enjoy. "The beautiful si-smells, of flowers!" Also I think Alice's mum shops at a Kandorian boutique. 

I like how bored Alice seems to be down on the bottom left panel.

I wonder how Alice can breath that high. Actually oxygen deprivation is a pretty good explanation for a lot of the Superman cast's behaviour. And I know what the artist is trying to do, depict how unused and unfocused eyes look, but it just comes out bizarre. 

By now you're probably wondering if people really thought that the blind were so bitter and twisted back then. Well let this (and Mr Magoo cartoons)  be you answer. The 1950's social standards for what could be considered to be a good and wholesome person were so restrictive that only one man (you knew it was going to be a man) fit them. He died in 1978 from alcohol poisoning after putting his son in hospital for dating a black dude. A communist black dude. 

Also Superman ask her to tell you about somewhere that'd take say half an hour to get to, somewhere she could recognize with her other senses. Then take her there in under a second. There comic over. 

Dammit comic I solved your stupid problem. Why are you here?

Superman, faster than a speeding bullet! More powerful than a locomotive! Unable to prove his existence to a small child! Okay Superman, you've got the needlessly sceptical child in the entire universe. You prove to her your real by taking something she cannot see, and handing her something she cannot see to confirm it's the same object.  You know I think I've figured out why he didn't get that raise in Superman Red and Blue. 

There is something very wrong with how Lois is twisting by the way. 

Maybe if I cook her brain the problem will go away.

I think Wayne Boring (yes that is one of the writer's names) somehow gazed into the future and read some Daredevil. Because now he's convinced that a blind person's other senses become superpowers. Yes they compensate but if it was to that extent we wouldn't need Braille! Or any other aid. 

Also he hasn't displayed super speed, freeze breath, super intelligence, super basket weaving, heat vision (well back then heat vision was just concentrated x-ray vision, eventually they changed that when actually having Superman use x-rays would mean he's given a lot of his friends cancer), and the ability to shoot a rainbow that creates a tiny little clone. 

Oh and invulnerability.

Seeing someone master your field in the time it takes you to piss must be heartbreaking.

Not going to give us a reason they couldn't find the glass eh Clark? Well this explains why her forehead was so swollen on the first page. Actually that scene never really happened didn't it?! Maybe the authors thought it was too dumb. 

Funny fact, well funny in the way seeing cats being experimented on to refine anal fissure cream is, the Comic Code Authority (the little seal on the cover of most of these) didn't like the depiction of disabled people unless they were cured. They were arseholes and by the end of their existence only Archie, the suck up, sought their approval. 

You'd that Superman would have learn't some doctor stuff before since he's part rescue worker. Also I bet the person manning the intercom is giggling like mad having to say "Calling Doctor Superman". Doesn't help when they're putting his coat on he kind of looks like a zombie. Guess Marvel didn't cash in on the trend first. 

Sight makes Alice's face fifty percent creepier. 

The mother seems to be in religious ecstasy regarding Superman being her daughter's first sight. All hail Kal-El! Oh and now she's in pink. I found subtly today, with the last of her blood she scrawled on my door a dying message. 

"This is a joke about the comic not being subtle!" 

Those are some very white looking South Sea Islanders, maybe it's Paradise Island and the one in the foreground just abuses steroids.

Kind of depressing that people on start being generous after her problem's been fixed. And Superman automatically assumes that guy is a criminal, he may just be the protagonist of a mystery comic Clark!

Look at that face John makes, he knows he's getting laid tonight! 

Yes Superman throw what you think might be a dangerous criminal into the room with the little girl! And if I was Alice's mum and my husband who ran of because he let his stupid guilt overwhelm him, leaving me alone to raise my traumatized special needs daughter, came waltzing back once he didn't have to deal with it, I'd claw his eyes out. If I was Alice I'd kick him in the shins and if I was Superman I'd put him into orbit! If I was Lois I'd laugh because Lois is evil. 

I will admit that Superman's last line is sweet in a stupid way. If you feel guilty and wrong by association and can't find a copy of this comic to eat, I would suggest donating to Vision Australia here, http://www.visionaustralia.org/

Tune In Next Time, Same Super Internet, Same Super Blog For The Super Family Of Steel!